A Knight’s Tale

Ebert and Roeper gave A Knight’s Tale “Two thumbs up!”. These are two of the most ignorant thumbs in the industry. I wish their thumbs had been present while I watched this pile of a movie so they could have thumbed me in the eye. Anyone ignorant enough to watch this movie all the way through, deserves such a fate.

A Knights Tale is as shallow as the MTV viewers it was intended for. Take the opening scene for instance. It begins with our hero, William Thatcher (played by Heath Ledger), a peasant squire who disguises himself as a knight so that he can participate in the extreme sport of jousting. This scene becomes super intensified when prior to the joust the entire crowd begins to sing Queen’s “We will rock you”. Even the horns were no ordinary horns. Oh no, these horns made sounds like that of an electric guitar. I guess they didn’t use real electric guitars so as to protect the integrity of this historically accurate film.

The worst line of the movie would have to be when a certain character yells out to a crowd “Give us a shout out London!”. Something just didn’t set right with me. Maybe if P-Diddy had made a cameo and delivered the line it would have carried a lot more weight.

Aside from the modernized hairstyles complete with highlights,, the street slang commonly used by rappers and middle class kids in suburban schools, and the overall rock n’ roll attitude of this movie….this plot is tired. A nobody aspires to be a somebody, through training becomes somebody, he falls in love, evil villain tries to ruin everything, good guy beats bad guy and gets the girl. For me it was kind of like pouring ragu sauce over left over macaroni and cheese and trying to pass it off as lasagna.

If this movie does one thing, it proves once and for all that there is indeed a plot in Hollywood to make the people of America stupid. The fact that this particular movie was ever made and released in theaters shows that they believe they are further along in this plot than we want to admit.

Having watched this movie and reviewing the evidence against it, the jury whatidiots.com finds the accused guilty of trying to be young and hip like that of a 40 year old man with a comb over, a corvette, and a Duran Duran cassette in the tape deck. Therefore, it is my duty to sentence the accused to 400 hours of community service, teaching teenagers that there were no discos in the mid evil times and that Queen wrote “We will rock you” some six centuries after this story presumably took place.

Seahorse

2 Comments

  1. Waaah! They don’t agree with me! And since I am a lifelong virgin living in mommy’s basement, I do nothing but watch movies all day!

  2. Dear Lakawak,

    It’s obvious to us that this article has somehow upset you.It was not our direct intention to disagree with you personally. We would like to thank you however for visiting our site and for being so honest in your previous comment. There is nothing wrong with being a “life long” virgin. Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m assuming you are around the age of 12. You have your whole life in front of you. So much to look forward to. Someday I’m sure you’ll have a job. With that job will come certain responsibilities. Such as dropping fries into a vat of oil, cleaning the bathroom, wiping off tables, and learning to dress yourself. As far as living in the basement, think of it as your “big boy apartment”. Mommy has probably put you down there for a reason. If she has men constantly coming in and out of the house she probably loves you too much to allow you to witness how she is handling her low self esteem.Bless your heart. Does that make sense?

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