Don’t You Hate Interviews

Recently I graduated, from college that is, yeah I know I could hardly believe it, especially after my stellar performance in high school where my rigorous daily eating of what the chicken picks that’s not corn got me a 2.3 GPA. So I’m brimming with confidence…yeah I got me a bachelor’s degree , so here I am 28 and finally have that piece of paper. I had a kick in my step and I was ready to take on the world ( or something to that effect I forget how the cliche goes). I send out my resume on monster.com, careerbuilder, etc… low and behold in 30 minutes I get a call from a recruiter asking me about an interview if I would be interested blah blah blah. OK I agreed, she said the interviewer likes people that are chipper and motivated and all the other nonsense we are lead to believe we should be. The interview was in a hotel lobby, I spent $400 on a new suit and $120 on shoes, I see the guy in a corner so I ask him in the most proper manner “excuse me sir, are you Mr.wigglesworth?” ” yes yes I am” he said (that was the highlight of the interview, everything went south from here).

me: in my best 7 steps to success motivated corporate stiff handshake and salutation (HI! I’M TOM, TOM SMITH! NICE TO MEET YOU SIR!
me thinking:(oh please this guy thinks he’s hot shit)
Mr.wigglesworth: “Great lets have a seat over here.”
(starts talking about the company: “we sell prosthetic penises to third world countries” or whatever the hell he was talking about)
Mr. Wigglesworth: Tell me a little bit about yourself?
me thinking:(what? is this our first date? he does look kind of pretty, maybe he’s gay)
me: “well sir, I graduated 1728 out of 2000 in my high school class” at least that’s what I felt like telling him. He then proceeded to ask questions and the only thing I remember is thinking the rehearsed garbage the recruiter gave me to study. Guess what? The interviewer saw right through all that stuff.

I followed this book to a tee and it got me nothing, but a hard time from the interviewer. I knew it too , I remember thinking while I was reading the book…this stuff is so superficial and just feel-good-guckily-gook.

So, the moral of the story is college doesn’t get you a job, books don’t help either, and buying expensive suits before you get the job is pretty stupid, don’t pretend to be a go-getter it is very annoying…hope this helps…good luck to all those looking for jobs.

Birdman

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