How To Be A Bank Customer

We’ve all been to a bank right? Unless of course you have been hiding under a rock or are an illegal alien. But minus people that fall under one of those categories, each one of us has been to a bank to either deposit money, cash checks, withdraw money etc…Many times, there are very long lines at banks, sometimes it’s because they lack enough tellers, other times, there are customers that…well read on. Here’s a quick and simple way to piss off everyone behind you in a bank line:

While you’re standing in line, you should begin by sucking your teeth. People will immediately recognize this as the universal symbol that somebody is not attending to your needs fast enough.

From there we want to gradually raise the bar, now is the time to look at the person behind you in line and say something like, “it’s always like this here“. Once everyone behind you fully recognizes that you are pissed and that this bank sucks. Look out in front of you at the tellers and look for something to complain about.

For example, if you see a teller leave her post to go to the bathroom or because her shift has ended you can say very loudly “look at that she’s leaving with so many people in line

At this point start tapping your foot and then let out an exaggerated sigh.

When you finally get called on to come to the teller window, remember to not have any deposit or withdraw forms filled out. Hand over the check to the teller and tell her want you want to do, either cash it or deposit. At this point the teller is going to ask you to fill out the form and to see some ID. The moment the teller asks to see ID you need to act incredulous and say something like ” I come here all the time” however, the teller will persist and you’ll be forced to run to your car to get it. Don’t mind the people in line giving you nasty stares, they should learn to wait patiently.

Once you’re back inside, the teller may ask you for your account number, tell her you don’t have it that way she’ll be forced to look you up in the system. While you are waiting for the teller to find the information any other customer who has been to a bank in their lifetime already knows to take with them, look to the line of people and ridicule the bank employees with some crass statement like, “they hire brainiacs here don’t they?”

After you are done with your transactions at the teller window, go to the ATM inside the bank and start going through all the options, press all the wrong buttons and then call the bank personnel and inform them that the ATM is broken. This is when you leave in a hissy, so that you have the last word, very loudly say something like “this is the worst bank ever, I’m never coming back and I’m going to file a lawsuit” this will save face for the following week when you come back and repeat the process all over again.

Birdman

One Comment

  1. I have to agree with this article, even though I quickly realized it was tongue and cheek you still make some great points on how people expect everyone else to hurry up, but when it’s their turn the world has to stop for them.

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