Loading-Half Life 2

During my time on this earth……[loading]…….I have played hundreds of….[loading]……games through several generations of ……..[loading]………. consoles. However, no game has ever been more annoying…….[loading]……….than my most recent…..[loading]……..purchase; Half Life 2 for the Xbox. I have unofficially renamed this…….[loading]…… game Half Load 2, since half of the time playing is spent…..[loading]……watching load screens. I imagine this game would be a lot like…….[loading]……..making love to a woman with irratible bowel syndrome; stopping the action every two minutes so she can pinch a loaf in the can……[loading]…….after about the tenth time you are completely turned off.

On the other hand the sound is amazing. Guns sound off with uncomparible realism. The sound of explosions will have you reverting back to your inner child, hiding in the fetal position. ” Mommy, Mommy!…Oh my God i can’t feel my damn legs!….My lungues are filling up with blood, I don’t want to die!” …..[loading]….But die you will because even the great sound effects can’t save you from the slow, calculated death Half Life 2 has planned for you….it’s death by loading….sucking every happy memory you’ve ever had…any inkling of joy that may have existed….until your body is but an empty carcass….lifeless and consumed in shadow.

Visually this game looks great. But so do a lot of games these days. It use to be ten to fifteen years ago great graphics were a bonus and gameplay came first…these days good graphics are expected…they are the standard. Designers are using these incredible visuals to hide what are lackluster games at best. Kind of like in the 80’s when you would rent a “B” horror movie. On the box would be this picture of this grotesque monster with these gills, slimy skin, and wicked fangs. You couldn’t wait to get it home and pop it in th VCR because the cover looked so scary. But when you watched it, it was just a dumb puppet with plastic teeth and a rubber head. Not to say this was the case with Half Life 2….there were never any rubber heads that i could remember. And besides the PC version was a phenomenal game. It just wasn’t an up to par port for the Xbox.

Story wise everything is left intact. The voice acting and the script are highlights of what i would consider to be an overall torturous experience. The fact that this game doesn’t have any Xbox Live or multiplayer capabilities gives the game little to no replay value. Sadly because of this and reasons previously mentioned this game is best suited for a weekend rental. I’m giving this game a 3 out of 10.

Seahorse

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