So you wanna become a police officer huh? Well, strap on a gun, get the billy club ready and read on, because you’ll be taking down perps (perpetrators) in no time.
The first rule about being a cop is; ‘Don’t even trust your own shadow’
Police work is dangerous business and being a softy just ain’t going to cut it. Let’s look at an example, this happened to a rookie friend of mine years ago.
It was a rainy night, Cassleberry (my partner) had been on the beat for barely a week, oh yeah this kid was green. We parked outside a diner where we were regulars. I stood outside leaned up against the cruiser with one leg propped up sucking on a Marlboro red. I had told the kid to grab us a couple of cups of Joe, I knew it would be a long night, my gut was telling me we were going to be shoulder deep in shit soon. As I smoked my cigarette, I leaned my head back and looked up at the stars I softly said, “God, why am I stuck with this idiot tonight?â€
Just as Cassleberry was walking out of the diner carrying two cups and a pastry bag of God knows what, a hail of bullets rained down on him. The last words I heard from that poor sap were “hey sarge, I got you those strawberry short cakes you li…” he was DOA (dead upon hitting the pavement). The stupid bastard never knew what hit him. Being used to such acts of random violence I casually threw my cigarette butt to the ground and smashed it with my Chippewa Limited Edition American Bison Snip Toe Motorcycle Boots.
I took cover by running to a nearby alley, as soon as I had some cover I lit another cigarette. I peeked out the corner of the building when a bullet grazed me, time to rock and roll. I pulled out my Jennings j 9 MM and went to work, I’m a modest person who doesn’t like to brag, but that night I performed better than anyone I had ever seen out in the field.
When all was said and done and I was staring down at the corpse of my partner, I felt a swell of anger rise in me. I realized then that that could be me lying there like a worthless piece of crap-no good rookie cop. But instead I was the one who survived to tell the story and save the day once again. In a weird way, God answered my prayer that night. And as I said in the beginning, you can’t even trust your own shadow, much less a partner.
MC Electric chair is a dangerous individual who has been on a stabbing spree for months. Birdman a hardened cop by years of watching horrors with his own eyes has set his site on catching this perp.
Apparently he was selling “Supreme Green Cancer Cure Formula”. Wow, people are actually stupid enough to buy a “cancer cure” from an infomericial? I think they deserve to get ripped off.
What’s even more flagrant is Barret standing there and promoting this stuff. How do you sleep at night?
Dude, we here at whatidiots.com are admitted scumbags but offering a “cancer cure’ of any type is just wrong.
I must say, I am entertained with the exchange between Barrett and Trudeu. Barret plays the part of infomercial journalist asking insanely stupid questions. Watching these two idiots does wonders to cure a hangover.
Let me just point out one thing that is listed in that stupid book “More Natural Scams I don’t Want you to find out about”. Okay you ready? Wear only white clothes while at home . Huh? How the hell does the color of cotton help cure my liver cirrosis? Wait a second! I think the white clothes thing can be used in conjunction with my post about about starting a new religion.
If you have ever wondered how so many religions get started and thought-”hmm, I’d like to start my own religion.” Well here is your guide.
The first thing to consider is whether you are going to be running an offshoot of Christianity. If for example, you are going to claim to be the Messiah, Jesus in the flesh and blood, or any variant thereof, you need to learn the bible inside and out. Most people who have ventured into their own offshoot of a Christian religion can spout off bible quotes and scripture quicker than an M60 machine gun unloading its magazine (more on weapons later).
If on the other hand you are going to create a religion which for all intents and purposes you pull out of your ass such as Scientology, then some creativity is required. You might consider naming it after one of those newly found planets. I personally prefer naming my religions after brand name pharmaceutical drugs, such as “voltaren†this way it’s easy for people to call themselves, “members of the Voltarian Churchâ€. These types of religions offer an easier method for monetization. For instance, to get to the level in Scientology where Tom Cruise is in, you would have paid about $500,000. Now that is sweet…if you’re on the receiving end, L Ron Hubbard must still be laughing in his grave.
Now that you have chosen your religion or sect, you are going to need a location. A warehouse will do, but a shopping center is preferred. The shopping center offers more foot traffic and walk-ins than an isolated warehouse. You’ll also want to file for tax exemption and charity status, here’s what the IRS has to say about that.
In order to get new members, hire a few kids to hand out flyers and put those door hanger things. The message should be something to the effect of “tired of living in your vicious cycle, break the chains that hold you back…join us at xyz ministry of life†A message like this is good, because it casts a wide net and almost anyone can relate to it.
Once members start showing up, have some free coffee and donuts. You know what they say, “the quickest way to someone’s heart is through their stomach.†Be sure to keep track of who’s coming back, after about the third time someone returns make them sign a direct deposit slip into your “church charity†account for 10% of their salary, refer to this as the tithe if your sect is based on Christianity. For all the other made up religions, publish some shockingly expensive books (around $1000) and sell them to your flock, so that they can “attain the next level of spirituality.†If they can’t afford the $1000 books, don’t worry they could pay you monthly, just be sure not to forget to add a finance charge. Finally, be sure to ask for pay stubs and run a credit check to make sure everything is on the up and up….we wouldn’t want someone cheating the Lord would we?
Let’s look at how much a new religion with followers can yield:
-Let’s say your church has 100 people (not that difficult to attain)
-Each member earns around $35,000 per year
-10% of $35,000 is $3500 divided by 12 months is $291
-$291 dollars per person per month is $29,166 a month.
Not bad for a new religion.
Figure you have overhead costs (rent –electricity) of about $4000
That leaves you with about $25,000 in your pocket every month. Now just imagine if you had 1000 members?
See how easy it can be to setup shop virtually anywhere and start banking. Once your membership starts to rise, you can then think of looking for a larger more open place. A ranch in the country side is the perfect setting for this. But be creative, there are many ways you can go with this. Just always remember to never believe a word of what you are prophesying. Many have gotten into real trouble when they start believing their own bullshit and wind up dead or getting blown up by the FBI.
Okay so I thought Donald Barret was kevin trudeu’s right hand man and stick in the mud. But I was wrong it seems that Don Barret already has a rap sheet that’s well worth mentioning. 