Ever since the Super Bowl last Sunday my life has dramatically changed. I can’t seem to push what was one of the most horrific displays of craptastic entertainment out of my mind. It had nothing to do with the commercials, they were much better than last years (thank you Snickers). It had nothing do with Prince and his halftime show performance because that was amazing (thank you Prince). It didn’t even have anything to do with Peyton Manning winning his first ever Super Bowl ring because he deserved it (thank you Rex Grossman). No, my problem was with the Cirque du Soleil pregame show that was introduced by Gloria Estefan.
What happens when football meets a high energy extravaganza of music, gymnatstics, dance, and circus clowns with a Miami twist? My answer… who gives a shit. I am less of a man for just having witnessed such a spectacle. Is it me or am I the only one who thought that the majority of people who watched football- drank beer, grew facial hair, and spent Saturday afternoons lighting there own farts. I watched a grown man run around in colorful, spandex, parrot outfit….others were dressed in refferee uniforms while riding brightly designed, inflatable flamingos. Football playing clowns skipped around singing “One love…one dream….one hope…” while a new age, Brazillian, atmospheric melody played relentlessly to thousands of innocent, unsuspecting bystanders. With the exception of Rosie O’Donell, men across the entire United States were paralyzed with horror as they watched our last sacred institution of manhood become invaded by this vision of flourescent, flaming, tom-foolery.
I wanted to let all of our readers know that we at Whatidiots.com do not condone such behavior. We will be working day and night to ensure this never happens again to the American public. In fact we are starting a petition to bring back Janet Jackson’s left titty for next years pregame show. It would basically be fifteen minutes of staring at her tit while Brittney Fox plays there hit song “Girl School” over and over again. If you want to add yourself to this petition please leave your name and comment in the comment section below. A famous person once said ” By yourself you are alone, but in a crowd you are not”. Rock the vote!