Recently I was with my wife in a local outdoor mall-type place in South Florida that shall not be named-ok, you got me it was Cocowalk. Anyway, we’re sitting down casually enjoying ourselves as we mock and criticize people that walk by us. When up walks this guy with some snake hanging from his neck.
Of course, you know what happens next, some idiots stop him to ask if it is real, can they touch it, and can they take a picture with him, the snake, or both…JACKPOT! So of course a lot of these guys do this because it makes them money, but beyond that I want to explore some more deep rooted issues on why people walk around with snakes hung around the necks.
I’m starved for attention
This person was so ignored throughout middle and high school that they took to talking to animals as a way of socializing. I would dare say some may have even had their first be a non-human if you know what I mean.
So by attaching a reptile to their necks, in essence they are accomplishing two things:
- Attract attention they never had
- Subconsciously thinks they are walking around with their girlfriend
The challenged manhood syndrome
I’m sure if Freud were around, he would call these people out for having penis envy. Simply put they are micro-phallic and have a underlying need to compensate and they do so by wearing a snake.
Lack of Fashion Sense
For some reason a lot of these guys wear tank tops, facial hair, and have piercings. They have no sense of fashion so by attaching a snake they think they look cool, tough, sexy or all three-sadly none of these things are accomplished.
The struggling Artist
No talent, so I’ll just wear a snake.
Pentecostal Snake Handler
I could be completely wrong (doubtful) about the assertions I’ve made above. Maybe people with snakes on them are simply pentecostal snake handlers who charm people into giving them money after putting on a little show. It’s like alligator wrestling with a bible. Maybe they read our guide on how to start your own religion
and are following our marketing plan for churches.
Hope this article helps dispel the myths and mystery surrounding snake dorks. Till next time 🙂