Why Everyone Should be Like Us

After thousands of emails by our visitors asking “how can we be more like you guys” I have decided to dissect us and point out exactly what makes us us. Hopefully the picture and the explanation that follows will give you some more insight as to why everyone wants to be like us and why everyone should be like us.

Please use the picture above as reference for the numbers below. We’ll start from top to bottom.

1. The Hair: Having too much hair or too little hair is cool. If you have too much you can always say you are a rocker, and if you are bald it never really goes out of style.

2.Wear Glasses: We have been ridiculed by our glasses, but we were patient…never succumbing to overnight fads. What’s the payoff? They were in style in the seventies and now Brad Pitt is wearing them again. See, we know what we’re doing. Just listen to us and you’ll be OK.

3.Cool Shirts: Always wear cool shirts… these we always wear, I’m not kidding… everyday. You see with these we can never go wrong, we are never too dressed or under-dressed for any occasion. I even wore this to a funeral once, but I was respectful and didn’t smoke inside.

4.Belly Fat: Seahorse(on the right) doesn’t have much of this, but I do…this is important for two reasons; first, it let’s everyone know you drink a lot of beer, hence, chicks flock to you. Second, it serves as food storage in case there is ever a famine.

5.Cool Pants: White pants, you can’t go wrong with white it matches with everything. Light Blue…reminds people of the ocean and water they might think that you are a professional swimmer and will be more attracted to you because of it.

6.The Shoes: Shoes are extra important, they are the icing on the cake. My black shoes go with everything. Seahorse’s white shoes are the real trophies though. Not only do they match with everything but if you are ever lost at night in a dark alley the whiteness of the shoes will help you find your way. Also, notice they are extra pointy, this makes them aero dynamically superior to regular shoes and helps you walk faster.

Well hopefully I have enlightened many of you as to why you should be like us, there are a few pointers I would like to add though. Accessories are very important…always wear lots of jewelry it makes people think you are rich. Smoke often, preferably Marlboro’s you only want the best for you right? Pay with cash, always have a big wad in your front pocket. If you only have a 50 dollar bill…make change get a 20 and the rest in 1’s wrap the 20 on the outside that way when you pull the wad out people will think it’s all 20’s.

Hope all this helps good luck!

Birdman

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