Have you been stabbed lately? If so, you should probably thank MC Electric Chair. “Who is MC Electric Chair?” you ask. If you’re one of the few people who don’t already know, he is the one responsible for starting the new stabbing craze that is sweeping the nation. Kids , the elderly, middle aged couples, and yes even Mexicans, have all been swept off there feet by this new found past time. It has been reported that even in prisons across the U.S., inmates are making crudely fashioned “shanks” to participate in what has been called “this generation’s wedgy”. MC Electric Chair is commonly known for his work on YOUTUBE. He has released numerous videos and has become a symbol, valorousness for the hopelessly homicidal. He is a man of mystery and has yet to be seen without his bandana mask, ball cap, and a pair of really exceptional sunglasses. So I decided I had to meet him in person and find out what made him tick. What drove him to a life of seclusion and how is he handling this newly found fame?
I finally caught up with MC Electric Chair after a couple of weeks of e-mailing, phone calls, and at one point, pigeon carriers. We had agreed to meet in neutral territory. The interview was to take place at a Long John Silver’s in Chilicothe, Ohio.
I arrived early. Maybe, it was because I was anxious to meet one of the greatest outlaws of our time, or maybe it was because I hadn’t sat down to a remarkable Long John Silver’s meal ever since I started working out to Birdman’s aerobic videos. I had ordered the Super Treasure Chest Family Meal and was just biting into my Ultimate Fish Sandwich (which by the way… they have the best tartar sauce, much better than Mc Donald’s) when MC Electric Chair walked into the establishment. The aroma of delicious, crispy hush puppies was suddenly overpowered by the odor of Old Spice After Shave and Stetson Cologne. Already I could see he was man of great taste. He seemed a lot heavier in person. I could tell “somebody” had been doing interviews at the LJS quite frequently.
He sat down at the chair across from mine. Immediately he began shoving chicken strips up under his bandanna into what I assume was his mouth. Although, at the rate the strips were disappearing, it could have been just some hole in his face that was specifically designed for the disposal of chicken strips, which had three tongues, four sets of teeth and made nauseating smacking noises. When the ring of grease began to soak through his bandanna, I found that my appetite had disappeared and it was time to start the interview. So I broke the tension with my first question.
Seahorse: Does MC Electric Chair smile?
Chair: Hmm…do I ever smile….well I find it difficult to smile, since my face is terribly disfigured. How did my face become so disgusting that I cover it constantly with a bandana, you ask? Well, let’s just say I should have waited a few months AFTER Milli Vanilli won that Grammy before expressing my love for them through facial tattooing. That and a lot of acid have spilled on my face. Hey, that’s what happens when you’re one of the most wanted criminals in North America, and your flights from local law enforcement end tragically in abandoned chemical plants or vacant industrial complexes. But I do smile every now and again, especially during a good movie. Every time I watch the scene in “Steel Magnolias” where Sallie Fields dies, I laugh uncontrollably. I have that scene looped 427 times on a DVD, and I watch it each night while falling asleep in my enormous canopy bed.
Seahorse: You talk about your “flights from local law enforcement”….but where does your story begin?
Chair: My story begins in 1997. Hootie and the Blowfish was burning up the Billboard charts with the worst music to have ever been written by a black person, pants inflation was reaching an all-time high, and Columbine High School was still a suburban utopia, where popular kids and science geeks pranced happily through the hallways together.
It was that year I discovered I was not meant for a normal life of normalcy, with normal friends and semi-normal employment. No, I was meant for a purpose far more insidious and naughty.
In the fall of 1997, I was cast as an extra in a local production of West Side Story in South Denver. I was one of the “Jets,” mainly because of my uncanny ability to snap to a beat whilst walking on stage.
During one of the choreographed knife fight scenes, I was instructed to parry, while another dancer swung his knife at me. Not being much of a scholar of the English language, I assumed the word “parry” meant stab repeatedly about the neck and torso. So I “parried” my fellow dancer to death on stage.
The footage of the play was later sold as a snuff film, of which I have never seen a single dime.
Ever since then I have been on the run – hiding in barns, scurrying through fields, and seducing women of ill-repute.
I have amassed a great fortune while on the run, as many a wealthy widows have left me their vast fortunes – after I smothered them with their scented pillows and ran away with their jewels of course. So now I lead a fairly comfortable existence in my penthouse suite in an undisclosed location. I sublet a room to Dick Cheney every now and again, and the bastard is always stealing my peanut butter.
Of course, despite all my many accomplishments, in my quite moments of reflection I often wonder…did Kevin from the Wonder Years ever have sex with Winnie Cooper? You know, that time in the barn, did he get farther than second base, or did he chicken out like he always does? That kid is such a freaking tool.
Seahorse: Snuff films and peanut butter aside….I’d like you to listen to these lyrics….”I’ll stab you in the day….I’ll stab you in the dark…I’ll stab you in your house….I’ll stab you in the park”. These are the freestyle lyrics to your “Ode to Stabbing”. What do you say to the parents of the children who emulate your brand homicidal versification?
Chair:Let’s be honest – not everyone can be as incredibly handsome and talented as I am – but mimicking my every action is a good start.
To the parents of children trying to be just like me – from fashioning an MC Electric Chair mask from the pelts of neighborhood animals, to taking part in the “stabbing craze” that is sweeping the nation – I say kudos on neglecting your children to such a dramatic extent that I have become their social, moral and spiritual compass. Only truly heroic disregard for the wellbeing of your unsightly offspring could drive your children to worship a homicidal maniac like myself.
Seahorse: It’s true that the youth of today have found guidance in their music, movies, and even celebrities such as yourself ,due to the neglect of our upbringers. What about the orphan who wears an MC Electric Chair t-shirt whose only aspiration is to grow up and stab someone in the dark or in a park? Does this make you the neglectful parent? …Are oprphans even considered members of society? …Really, I’m being serious, are they?
Chair: Even though I may be a hardened criminal mastermind, my heart is not made entirely of stone. For that reason, I have dedicated a portion of my ill-gotten fortune to construct and maintain the “MC Electric Chair Home For Orphans And Ugly Unwanted Children.”
There, orphans receive three square meals a day, and work 100 hours a week hand-stitching handsome bootleg NBA Jerseys to sell on the streets of Juarez, Mexico.
And when they are not hard at work for their benevolent owner, I instruct them in the finer points of stabbing – from how to keep your blade shiny and clean, to how to remove those stubborn blood stains from clothing.
To me, orphans hold the key that unlocks the door that leads to the garage, where the future of stabbing and mayhem lie hidden underneath the gardening tools of pain and agony.
Seahorse: Finish this sentence. “I don’t like handicap people because….”
Chair: …they are terrible at manual labor. Have you ever tried to get a paraplegic to dig his or her own grave? It is an exercise in patience.
Seahorse: Those who are familiar with your work on youtube have seen the ugly side to MC Electric Chair when dealing with “haters”. One skeptic in particular was banished to an almost deserted island dressed in a Tron uniform and a rainbow colored wig. His only company was a transvestite who resembled Liza Minelli. What warning would you like to give to all future haters?
Chair: I have embroidered the following phrase onto a decorative pillow: “Don’t step The Chair unless you want to get shocked, bitch.” Wise words to live by indeed.
I was only halfway into the interview when we heard police sirens in the distance. I could see that “The Chair” was becoming edgy and new that I had to wrap up the interview before i became a part of what could easily turn into a hostage situation. So before he left I asked two final questions.
Seahorse: I have two more questions before we wrap this up Chair. What can we as fans expect to see from you over the next couple of years? Where are you taking us?
Chair: Well, you may recall that the beat poet Lawrence Ferlinghetti claimed his work took readers into “Coney Island of the Mind.” He was full of crap, of course, but I plan to go one step beyond Ferlinghetti by taking my fans into a “Six Flags Magic Mountain of The Mind,” with nausea inducing plot twists, gravity defying feats of logic and bowel churning acts of violence.
I will continue to create videos and music that push the bounds of taste and social acceptability. I will offend the elderly and the schoolmarms. I will make small children weep. Men will fear me, women tremble with desire. 2007 will be the year of The Chair!
Again, thanks for taking the time to get me know me better. You are a prince among men Seahorse.
With those final words he rushed outside into a waiting aqua blue windowless van, that strangely resembled a porta-potty on wheels…and he was gone. As I sat at the crumb filled table I realized that I hadn’t seen the last of this remarkable man. His work had only begun and through the power of YOUTUBE I would continue to bare witness to his legend.
If you wish to see MC Electric Chair and his fantastical videos go to www.youtube.com and type in “mcelectricchair” on the search engine. You can also listen to the Ode to Stabbing “club remix” here.